As you may already have read on the Home Page, the idea for Grief Journals was born out of the aftermath of my emotional journey, following my son taking his life in 2021. I knew early on that there was something I was going to create, that would mark his life and my relationship with him. What I didn’t have any concept of, was just how long the initial shock and those early stages of grief were going to last and that it would take me three and a half years before I was ready,
Within those years, the internet showed me that there are many parents who had been able to find the energy, focus and mental strength, to set up charities, or undertake fund raising events very quickly after their own similar, family tragedy. And for many months that left me feeling quite inadequate. Why wasn’t I able to do the same? My working life involved multi-tasking several projects for six, or seven clients at a time.
The reason was, that when my son took his life, I pretty much lost all of those skills overnight. I talk about that in more detail in the blog called A Complete Short Circuit (Yet to be written. Please bear with me) and the stages I went through as my systems fired back up. Suffice to say here that it’s taken me three years to feel fully back on track and with a solid, clear footing of what I want to do and achieve.
The extension of the website, into the broader areas of maleness and grief was a natural step. For the past 10 years, I have explored these subjects, both through the work I’ve done in funerals and bereavement, my discussions with other men doing related work and onward reading following and during personal therapy sessions.
I also wanted to connect my experiences of being a son and of being a father. What had I learned from being a son, in both helpful and unhelpful ways, and how had they impacted on my ability and skills when it was my turn to be a father? I hope what you read is helpful to your own pondering.
The Header Image
I’ve chosen this one of Gar and me, because it was taken in a restaurant in Blackpool, the day before my father’s funeral. I can’t say that I’m looking my best and that’s the reason why. Both Gar and my daughter were very supportive through the whole thing. It’s ironically strange though now, to see the look on Gar’s face, which always meant, “Come on Dad, lets lighten up, its all going to be fine.”
The Grief Journals Logo
Gar was a great wearer of hats and carried them off with a natural, nonchalant air. From fedoras to baseball caps, the ones he chose were all ‘very Gar’. So, incorporating one of his favourite hats into the logo was an elegant way of bringing him fundamentally into website.
Mentors
For the past 10 years, I’ve had countless conversations and cups of coffee, with Malcolm Evans. We’ve observed, casually researched and discussed many phenomenon, including aging, maleness, death and obscure trends in funerals. Malcolm is well known in the world of semiotics and was a co-founder of Space Doctors and I’m grateful for how he has inspired and helped me to hone my writing style and critical thinking.
