How we’re given the opportunity to meet open hearted and emotionally honest people in unexpected places and how even a brief conversation can make a connection that teaches us so much, about the person we’ve met and about ourselves.
The Ballad of the Underwater Daughter
In 2024 I discovered a curious, and incredibly powerful puppet show, called The Ballad of the Underwater Daughter. It caught my eye in the listings on the Ashburton Arts Centre schedule and, as you will see from the accompanying trailer link opposite, it promised to be a beautiful, quirky treat.
So, we booked our tickets and went along, not really knowing what to expect, other than a fascinating evening, with wonderful creativity and ingenuity from two highly skilled puppeteers.
To add a bit of extra context, the Ashburton Arts Centre is housed in a beautiful, old methodist church, which the community had saved from developers, so they could make it a welcoming place that brought people together. The interior is wood panelled, there is a surrounding upper gallery and the stage is close and intimate.
The fine detail of the story is not for me to reveal. Instead, I sincerely urge you to find that out for yourself, if ever this production comes near to where you live. Give your heart and soul a treat, book tickets and support this wonderful company.
What I can say, and need to explain, for the purpose of this blog post, is that this is a story about Crap Dads. Dads who find themselves sluiced down the all too familiar, drain pipes of self worth, that end up at, and spew out at, Crap Island.
Once they get there, a dysfunctional Council (made up of men – so what chance does anyone have really!) puts the arrivals through a series of processes, designed to help them feel less crap about themselves. However, despite that, those with the deepest flaws remain stuck on the island, and only the hero of the story sees the light and begins a wonderful adventure, to reconnect with the people, places and times where he believed he got things so badly wrong.
His daughter is lost to herself and to him. She is underwater within herself, and only her Dad can help her to reconnect with the parts he impacted, so that she can begin her rise to the surface again.
What happened at the end of the show
As you can see from the trailer and other images from the show, some of the puppets are incredibly simple, with expressions in their faces that draw you in. But don’t be fooled. With the intricate power of theatre and the puppet mastery of Marc and Tash, the audience gets to know the nature and personality of each and every character.
It’s the father of the Underwater Daughter, who has the simplest face. And behind it, is the deepest feeling of anguish and the richest love, matched with a searing regret for each and everything he could have changed, that would have prevented his daughter from making the dive that she did.
Post the applause at the end of the show, Marc and Tash came forward to the front of the stage and explained that they hadn’t really known how to end the play, which was, not surprisingly, Marc’s own story. And to say that the day after the performance, Marc was going to drive and meet his daughter for the first time in many years. Such a beautiful and powerful end to the day.
The open hearted honesty of the play was only eclipsed by Marc’s candid openness. After the play, the audience was invited to explore the set and even to play with the puppets. Marc and Tash were on hand to answer questions and explain more.
Feeling like a Crap Dad
I was deeply moved by the play and was able to have a few minutes of Marc’s time, to say that to him, talk about how I, and way too many fathers feel like Crap Dads, thank him for being so wonderfully open with his story and most importantly, to ask him how he was feeling about meeting his daughter the next day. It was no mean feat for him that evening, to concentrate and deliver such a personal play, while at the same time, knowing that within 12 hours he was going to be seeing his daughter again.
It was a lovely hug and exchange, as I explained Gar’s suicide to Marc and how that had rattled the bars of my Crap Dad cage very loudly.
It is vital, for any man who feels like they’ve been, or a still being a Crap Dad, to know that you’re not alone. There are thousands of other men, and some very close to you, who feel their own version of Crap Dad. There are undoubtedly times when we deserve the label. Equally there are other occasions when we don’t, but we still put the cap on.
What we have to watch out for, is convincing ourselves that we should wear the hat all of the time. When that happens we become a self fulfilling prophecy, and when our attitude becomes defeatist, our self confidence and self respect can take a hard-to-recover-from, dive to our own underwater depths.
So what am I saying?
That you’re not alone with whatever feelings you have about yourself and your parenting skills. That there are men like Marc who are comfortable sharing their story. His is powerful. And there is a lot of it that is your story too. Please go and see it. Embrace it. Let your heart be immersed and be compassionate with yourself.
Thank you, Marc.
The Ballad of the Underwater Daughter
Marc Parret and Tash Hudson
The Object Project
