Sons

On 19th July 2021, I lost my 36 year old son, when he decided to take his life. I had known him all of his life. He had known me for all of his. Losing him from my day to day has been devastating and it has taken me 3 years, to get to the point where I’m able to talk openly, and from my heart, about the experience and how I have been along the way. 

In the interim I’ve more than functioned and connected with people. My wife and I have reframed our life, we’ve moved house, I’ve worked a freelance job and started several new projects. Folk I know have told me I’ve been sane and coherent and to many it has looked like I haven’t missed a beat.

Yet, as those 1248 days have passed (it’s ironically the 19th December 2024 as I write this) since Gar decided to go, I have become more and more aware, that the real me is only just starting to fully emerge. My self caring, automatic and naturally protective shell has done a phenomenal job in protecting me. Only allowing in and out, the level of life that I have been able to cope with each day, week, month and year. Only now can I look back and really begin to understand, just how shut down the most essential parts of me have been these past three years.

I have not been able to find good support for fathers who have lost their sons to suicide. If you are such a father and want to connect with me, please send me a message via my Contact Page and we can start a dialogue.