So many demanding things happened to us, as a family, in the first year after Gar took his life, in July 2021.
Having moved to Devon, six months later, in early 2022, Gill and I marked the anniversary of his death, with lunch in the restaurant at the Gara Rock Hotel in Salcombe, where the header image was taken. A picture worth 1000 words.
The Lead Up To The Lunch
In June 2021, the month before Gar died, we were thrilled to have our offer accepted on the house we’d found to retire to. It had everything we’d been visualising, during the long and arduous months of the enforced lock down. Full of character, a lovely outlook, a garden large enough for growing vegetables in and a bit off the beaten track. A wonderful weekend and holiday retreat for Gar and Georgie, to explore Dartmoor and the coast from.
In learning more about the area we’d chosen to live, we came across an ITV series called Cornwall and Devon Walks with With Julia Bradbury, and in the South West Coast Path episode, she visited a place called Gara Rock and the hotel with the same name. We knew immediately, of course, that it was going to be place we’d take Gar to, on one of his already looked forward to, future visits to stay with us.
Oh, how little we knew what was coming . . . . . . . .
The Lunch
To be honest, our first six months in the house remain a bit of a blur. We moved in early January and before we knew it, it was July. Unless you’ve been through something similar and equally devastating, it might be hard to understand how such a monumental day can almost creep up on you unannounced. However, that is exactly what happened and it was a moment of inspiration in the morning, or a whisper in our ear from Gar, that made us check whether there was a table free for lunch at the hotel.
There was. It was the last one. Available at 1 o’clock. The recorded time of his death. And it was at a huge window, overlooking the beautiful view over Gara Rock.
As you can see from my face, we were pretty sad and reflective in the quiet moments, and at the same time we were also remembering many warm and amazing events in Gar’s life. The people serving our table were lovely, chatty and friendly and it was their inevitable question of what we were doing for the rest of the day, when we found ourselves telling Gar’s story. Those questions from strangers are, and have been for the four years since (as I write this), a bit of a tipping point. Do we answer honestly and tell our sad story, or do we give a glossed over, bland answer? This one was a moment of telling, and the staff were pretty blown away with the significance of the day, our family name of Rock, Gar and his story.
The Story of Gar’s Name
Gar’s name, on his original birth certificate, was Gareth. However, when his younger sister, Georgie, started talking, she always called him Gar-Gar. A beautiful name, that clearly stuck with him, because during his twenties, he officially changed his name to Gar, by deed poll. And what a unique and memorable name it is. Exactly like the man. Unforgettable.
As his parents, we did, to be honest, find his decision to officially change his name, a little tricky, in the same way that we found his sister’s first tattoo quite devastating. But as parents, you also quickly realise that the glorious independence your children are showing, is exactly how you want them to be. Despite the pain it brings.
And sharing the beautiful memory of Gar, is wonderfully enhanced by his name. I see people’s curiosity as I say the word. In a couple of seconds, they go from wondering whether they’ve heard correctly, to rolling the sound around in their mind, and then from its vibration, sensing the beautiful essence of the man. It is quite uncanny and never ceases to fill me with great joy and humble pride at being his father.
The Other Anniversaries of Gar’s Death
The second and third anniversaries were different to this first milestone. The pain of not having Gar around has in no way diminished. It’s simply become more familiar. Like fitness training, you’re able to lift much heavier weights when you get into it, than you can at the start. The weights are the same shape and size. You just became more capable.
Each year, we’re also different in ourselves. We’ve had new and more things happen. There have been new experiences and stories and, in our case, in 2023, the arrival of our beautiful granddaughter. A vibrant little star, full of her own wonder, charm and mystery.
More about Gar
This is one of my earliest posts. There will, of course, be more about Gar throughout the site and I will add easy to follow hyperlinks, to those pages, as the site grows. For now though, please bear with me, and if what you’ve read leaves you wanting more, sign up to my mailing list via the Contact Page and I’ll email you, every now and then, when there’s more to read.
